Thursday, October 24, 2013

A Heart Surrendered to Christ

This post is a more detailed version of my last.  It gives and account of what led up to my relationship with my Lord and Savior.

When I was growing up, I new of God but did not know God.  Our family did not go to church and God was not spoken of at home.  I was raised to know right from wrong and was well loved, but I still felt empty.  As a teenager I turned to drinking and drugs.  While at a nightclub with a friend I met a cute guy that I was hoping would be the one for me.  We started dating and he was very patient with me while I was still hanging out with my drinking buddies and babysitting for drug dealers.  He was not in that sort of thing and patiently talked to me about Jesus and how my life did not have to be like it was.  Well, I thought I knew better and would not listen.  I thought for sure that he would leave me like the rest of my boyfriends did, but he stayed.

After four years of dating, this guy asked me to marry him.  I said 'yes'.  I was still drinking pretty heavily but had stopped doing drugs and stopped babysitting for dealers.  I was still not into 'Jesus', but I did go to church with my fiance because I grew to love him very deeply.  In 1996 we got married and moved to a different city 3 hours away.  I slowly quit the heavy drinking and would only drink on the weekends.  After two years of a rocky marriage, I gave up drinking completely to work on my marriage as I was very determined to keep my vows.  In 2000 we had our first child, a boy.  I was thrilled, but still did not surrender my life to Jesus.  In 2001 we had our second child, a girl.  In 2003 I had a miscarriage (Peace) and in 2004 I had a stillborn (Nathan).  It was during this time that I finally cried out to God and accepted Jesus into my life.

I thought my life would change right away, but it didn't.  In 2005 and early 2006 I miscarried again (Patience & Liberty).  I thought God was punishing me for not believing sooner, but realized that maybe I was just not cut out to me a mother of more that 2 children.  I cried out to God again and asked for peace and wisdom to parent the children I had the best way I could.  Then in December of 2006 we had our third child, another girl.  And in February of 2008 we had another girl.  I realized that at this point surrendering my whole being to God would be needed to raise our growing family.  Well, late 2008 my world seemed to crash again as we miscarried again (Victory).  I was crushed, but would not let my depression get in the way of raising my 4 children.  They needed me and I needed Jesus.

As I grew in my love for Jesus, my love for my husband and children grew.  We had come to think our family is complete, but God had other plans.  Just when we finally wrapped our hearts and minds on the fact that we will have no more children, our fifth child was born in March of this year.  Another girl.  We now have 1 boy and 4 girls ages 13, soon to be 12, 6, 5, and 7 months living in our home.  We also homeschool.  Now more than ever, I need to surrender my heart to Christ every morning to get through the trials of raising these arrows for His army.  #priceless

1 comment:

  1. Good Morning Colleen! What a great testimony to God #priceless #PerfectLove. He does know how to love us to Himself, if we are willing. I'm so glad you have gotten to the place where you are trusting in Him and trusting in His mercy and grace. I look forward to reading more from you.
    Love in Christ,
    Barbara P.
    OBS Small Group Leader/Prayer Warrior Team